Alexander Averin

Monday, 4 June 2007

No blog today

It should be a perfect morning.

Sunshine, stillness and the grass is sparkling with dew.

The old cliches keeps recurring. 'You never know what's round the corner','Seize the moment'. Events in life ram it home.

Yesterday, as soon as I had posted my blog I thought all was right with the world. It took just a phone call to change that. A call to my son from his best friend to tell him that his only sibling, his older sister, had died suddenly and unexpectedly whilst away in Bristol on a wedding anniversary celebratory weekend. I don't know the exact cause as yet but she apparently had chest pains and went to the hospital. She was 28, only a year younger than my own daughter. She was at school with both of my children.

Any death here in our small community touches everyone; one gets used and of necessity in my case, almost hardened to hearing of other folk moving on to the next world. For usually they are old, loved by many, from huge families and have lived good and happy lives. Funeral services are usually filled-to-bursting with many, many mourners standing outside because the tradition is a fine one, the same as in Ireland; everyone attends as a matter of respect and support for the family.

But the death of someone so young is heartbreaking. Her parents, who live close to my daughter, have suffered a lot of problems in the past which just makes it even sadder.

Sometimes I wish I was not so sensitive. At times like this, and it is maybe worse now I am a 'certain age'I get very emotional as I always feel others' pain. The mother-child separation thing too is especially painful for me. And outliving a child, to my mind, is the worse thing that can happen to anyone.

It is my son's birthday today, he will be 26 at eighteen minutes past one, (funny how you remember the time of their births isn't it?). Yesterday he had to comfort his friend who was calling from Essex over the phone and when S told me the news his eyes filled with tears, for he too is a sensitive soul. But we should not fight tears, I always tell my daughter that they are e-motion, energy in motion, they have a purpose. It seems to be a British thing, being uptight about showing pain, stiff upper lip and all that.

So I find it hard to blog today about what seem mundane, everyday occurrences and all blessings seem elusive. Instead I will write a letter to the parents who have lost a daughter. That will be harder than any other form of writing I have had to do for a long time.



toady said...

Cait that is so sad. I hope you can find the words to write to the parents and in doing so you find some comfort. Toady

Faith said...

Cait, I am so very sorry. What a dreadfully sad occurence. The girl is the same age as my precious Cee. There's nothing I can say but I'm thinking of you, your son and the girl's family. Love Faith x

The Country Craft Angel said...

Oh Cait, that is so tragic.

I feel others pain, so like you. Sometimes wish I was less sensitive. But it is that sensitivity that also gives you the ability to be able to touch people and connect with them.

I know you will find just the right words to write and comfort the girls family at this difficult time.

Warmest wishes to you, your son and the girls family.

Suffolkmum said...

I'm so sorry, what a terrible thing to happen. I agree, it's nature out of kilter when a parent has to outlive a child. I'm sure your words will comfort the poor parents.
PS just caught your one from below - I am another migraine erson who gets them as soon as I stop and relax.

ChrisH said...

How very, very sad. One of Rose's friends died just before A levels and when they all went to their sixth form ball shortly afterwards I felt so sad for the parents whose precious daughter never got to the first adult rite of passage. Best wishes to you and yours.

Exmoorjane said...

Young people dying always seems so very wrong. I think writing that kind of letter is the hardest thing you can ever write. I can remember every time I have ever sat down at my desk with a card or piece of paper in front of me and wishing with all my heart that I didn't need to pick up a pen. It is hard to find meaning or reasons for such untimely death - it makes life seem so unfair, so cruel. My thoughts will be with you today, and with the family and friends of that young girl. And it will make me hug my son even tighter when I see him.

Milla said...

Tragic, I am so sorry for you all. Love and Best wishes.

PreseliMags said...

So sorry to hear such sad news. Love and best wishes to you all. xxx Mags.

mountainear said...

When we have children we learn what precious gifts they are - and reading your words I can feel the vast emptiness of the void when one is lost before their time. It's more than sadness.
So cyber hugs from a stranger.x

snailbeachshepherdess said...

Oh cait - I am so sorry. I too have a sad funeral to go to on Wednesday with my eldest son also 28. His school mate died in London last week of a brain tumour. His mother, my friend and workmate, was cleared of cancer just a few years ago but its come back to bite them again.

Frances said...

Cait, what could be more sad than losing a child.
I know that what you will write to the family will be heartfelt, and expressed so beautifully that it may comfort them in their immense sadness.


May her soul and the souls of all teh faithful departed rest in peace, how terribly terribly sad cait.

LittleBrownDog said...

So sad to hear of a young life cut short so tragically. I'm sure your message of sympathy and support, however difficult to write, will be helpful to the family who are going through this.

sally's chateau said...

You write so beautifully I am sure you will find the right words to bring comfort to the family at such a tragic time x

Inthemud said...

Oh dearest Cait that is so dreadfully sad. I really feel for you and your son particularly. It can't be much of a birthday for him, knowing how much his best friend is suffering.
Thinking of you with love & prayers,

Elaine XX

muddyboots said...

so sorry.

JacquiMcR said...

Oh Cait, I can't even imagine what it must be like for the poor parents who have lost their child. It is indeed a strange world where some die so young and yet my own nan was 95 yesterday!

I'll say a prayer for her tonight.

Am thinking about you - Jacqui x

@themill said...

Cait, that is so sad. No parent should be predeceased by their child.
All in my thoughts

elizabethm said...

I am so sorry. I am sure it is good to write, although so hard. Thinking of you.

annakarenin said...

How terribly terribly sad. So young too young.
It must be hurting all of you.
It is strange but I have just re-posted my blog about the blessing of having my four boys which was prompted by something you said at the time. If only people could always appreciate what they have because it can so easily be lost.

CAMILLA said...

Cait, so terribly sad, to lose a child is the worst thing imaginable, my heart and prayers go out to the parents. Sending you love to your son too dear Cait.

Pondside said...

I'm so sorry to hear of this loss - the family, your son, you and your community. When we lose our young we're aware that it's like a little of the future being stolen away.