Artist

Alexander Averin

Tuesday, 11 December 2007

Dear Cait, Aged 13, The Adopted Child


Dear Cait, I hope you will heed my advice and trust me because only I understand how lost, isolated and ‘different’ you feel. I do understand the reasons behind your shyness, your reserve. When you came into this world you chose a difficult path, but keep in mind that suffering will bring you inner strength and spiritual growth. Hang in there, things will get better once you discover who you are. NEVER GIVE UP searching, but I don’t need to say those three words to you do I? Nothing in life matters. Only love. Always remember this. The Beatles will be saying it soon in a song, I know you are a great fan of theirs. Don’t get hung up on any ‘small stuff’. Only kindness matters, (that too will be a song title one day!). Treat others as you would like to be treated. Believe in yourself, You are beautiful and clever, even if no-one has ever told you so. Don’t worry about doing well in every subject at school, if you hate science, maths, geography, history, hockey, so what? (At least history will become fascinating when you are my age). You have been lucky enough to pass the eleven-plus and go to a good school. Enjoy the many things you will learn there.. You will also leave being able to write proper English (having learned to read, spell and recite your tables prior to getting there). These basic skills are sadly lacking nowadays. Devote your life to your passions. ‘Follow your bliss’ as they say. You are becoming a teenager at a very exciting time. Everything is changing, exploding even; the class system, music, art, fashion, politics, sexual liberation……there may not be a time of such positivity again in this country, so make the most of it. I know you love music and that it has saved you, along with your books of course. They will both be your lifelong companions. Keep writing. Cultivate your psychic gifts, don’t hide them away. Always trust your intuition. I know you have no confidence at all and you feel terribly self-conscious all the time; this will pass and when you are my age you won’t give a damn what anyone else thinks. Stop hiding your body. Don’t worry about being painfully thin and having such long and skinny legs, for very soon it will be in fashion! I know you love babies and children, one day you will become a mother and it will be the happiest day of your life. You will be a grandmother one day too and that will bring you such joy, I cannot tell you. There will always be a guardian angel or two watching over you, along with our dear Irish mother. Make the most of every moment and focus on the positive. Turn every negative into a positive; it is possible. Don’t dread getting middle-aged or even old. The best is yet to come. Go mbeannai Dia duit, All my love, Caitx
PS I see you are reading Germaine Greer's The Female Eunuch, I warn you, it will change your life!

25 comments:

Elizabethd said...

Beautifully written Cait. Thirteen was sucha peculiar age, neither one thing nor another.

Withy Brook said...

You remember it so well. The principals will be the same through all the years, though it was a bit different in 1943!

ALF said...

It's so interesting the things we remember!

Casdok said...

That book changed my life too.

Blossomcottage said...

A beautiful letter well written, I do hope you enjoyed writing it as much as I enjoy reading it.
Blossom

Faith said...

Ah, quite sad, poor little 13 year old Cait, but what a lovely special lady she is now! (just emailed you Cait).

elizabethm said...

Hope she had a happy life - certainly became a strong and interesting woman!

Suffolkmum said...

This was so poignant Cait - I've just done mine, and it is awful remembering that paralysing self-consciousness and insecurities. Still, at least we all know there are penty of happy endings, even if there are some twists and turns along the way. I love the Female Eunuch too, though I didn't read it until I was 18.

Exmoorjane said...

Oh heck, Cait- that has made me very emotional...touched a few too many chords I think. I will certainly take up your challenge but it may take me a while as I suspect my own letter will bring up even more memories and challenges.
What a very lovely letter... Jxx

Preseli Mags said...

A beautifully written, poignant letter.

Kaycie said...

Do you think she would have listened to you, Cait, that thirteen year old version of yourself?

Lovely letter.

Grouse said...

I wish we could instill that optimism into ALL 13 yr olds.......just think of the difference it would make.

DJ Kirkby said...

Beautiful...

KittyB said...

Just fab, Cait. Thanks for tagging me with this one, will write it today, after a bit more thought!

Pipany said...

Lovely, Cait. These letters are wonderful to read,but I did find mine hard to write. Glad I'm not thirteen any more! xx

Frances said...

Cait, thanks to you for what you remember and how you tell of it.

I am a bit older than you, but such a late bloomer (if I ever have bloomed) that I very much connected to what you wrote.

That you focused on positive thoughts, kindness, music, good things, and gave so many reassuring words ... all of this was a grand gift to the 13 year old Cait.

Germaine Greer was later for me. I was taken to another way of thinking about femaleness by Betty Friedan.

Loving life and counting blessings, still!

xo

sally's chateau said...

Beautifully written Cait

Zoë said...

beautiful Cait, gave me some insight too into the thing you and my mother share. I may take sometime writing my own response to you tagging me, discussing my own childhood requires me to make a difficult journey, but I will sometime soon, even if I only email it to you xx

Milla said...

Lovely, Cait. Very poignant.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

A lovely post, Cait. As always.

Crystal xx

LittleBrownDog said...

That was beautifully written, Cait, and very poignant. It reminds me that 13 is a very lonely time for so many of us. If only we had our older selves to guide us.

Fennie said...

These letters are so interesting. But the standard is so high I shall approach my own one in a few days with more than a little trepidation.
We've all been through that age, the angst, the insecurities, the hope, the sadnesses but we are all so different. A lovely poignant letter, Cait

Pondside said...

Just catching up, Cait. This is a lovely letter - especially since we 'know' you just a little in the present day.

CAMILLA said...

Apologies for popping here late Dear Cait, just catching up.

Such a beautiful poignant letter, I remember reading that book years ago Cait, still have it.

Camilla.xx

CAMILLA said...

As ever Cait you write so beautifully, a joy to read.

Did not have fond memories of being thirteen, I was bitten on the face by a dog quite badly, very concious of this when I had to return back to school.

Camilla.xx