Alexander Averin

Thursday, 25 September 2008

The Wanted and the Definitely Unwanted

Header picture, Connemara Farm is an oil painting by Elizabeth Ryan

Dear Diary,

I’ll start with the Definitely Unwanted.

Now bear with me, I begin with a right whinge. I have been unwell, so make allowances.

The flu seemed like an endurance test. I craved the oblivion of sleep but it would not easily come and when it did ‘twas only in short fits and bursts. Then once the phone rang just as I had got off to sleep and I was startled into wakefulness, I stumbled downstairs to answer it in case it was something important…….I am such a worrier and always imagine the worst whenever the phone rings....... I felt feverish all the time but couldn’t lose myself in deep sleep or in books and the radio was irritating and so, so depressing.
Gordon Brown was everywhere, cancer drugs available to some and not others, David Milliband, School shootings, the Economy, Gordon Brown…….

Even the pastoral view from my bedroom window both bored and hurt my sore, sore eyes. I had no appetite but forced little morsels down, a small piece of quiche, some tinned peaches, chicken soup laced with cayenne and garlic (that helped). I drank copious amounts of Yorkshire Gold tea, it was all I craved. But still my sinuses felt blocked and raw, my eyes streamed constantly, my throat was like sandpaper.

I shivered and I sweat. I sweat and I shivered.

Flu always carries depression in its wake, it either strikes at the time or creeps up in a cunning way, post-virally. The dogs would visit me from time to time, trying their best to cheer me. They would sit by the bed and gaze at me, their eyes full of love. I loved them back. Crossness soon took over though as I became angry because I had felt so well before the virus struck, as they always do - suddenly. I felt I was wasting time when I could be doing
. Even my pen ran out of ink when I weakly tried to scribble.

M told me that everyone got had this flu.

‘How do you know?’ I asked.

‘I’ve heard everyone talking about it’, he said.

Some comfort there then.

I was not alone.

I soldiered on and tried to console myself - the suffering was nowhere near as bad as a migraine, (it just lasted a hellluva lot longer).

Then to crown it all - this will make you laugh, it’s a real play on words, ha ha. I was eating a bowl of porridge one morning and a crown fell off a front tooth. So now I not only felt like an ugly old hag, I honestly looked like one too.

Tell me honestly Oh Death,

Where is Thy Sting?


And now for the Wanted:

Whinge over, I am on the mend, time to catch up on homework.

Five Things I Always Wanted

(This is Purplecoo Homework. I feel sure I’ve done it before; I am overtaken by déjà vu).

A donkey. Well two donkeys to be exact as I feel that one on its own might be lonely.

I would like to adopt two but something is stopping me. The expense? The time it would take looking after them? I don’t know what is holding me back really. I used to dream of having an animal rescue home - perhaps one has to have some dreams that are just destined to always stay forever as dreams?

To live in the country

I’ve managed to achieve this.

(Oh God, I bet this homework should be things I haven’t been able to achieve but hey ho, who cares? It will be detention for me no doubt).

Let’s get back to what I haven’t got (yet…….. she says, ridiculously optimistic, that’s me!).

A narrow boat.

I often think I could live on one of these

I would love a Romany caravan too.

To write. I do scribble a lot so I guess this could go in the achieved column too.

I’ve always wanted to write a novel. I have one-in-the making but progress is slow (far too much time spent blogging and on Purplecoo?).

I enjoy writing though and that’s the main thing, the pleasure it gives me to do so, whatever rubbish I turn out.

I’m the kind of person that if I did have strong wants then I would go all out for them, some of them. But I am not at all ambitious or materialistic so my greatest needs are simple really and boil down to just the two. To be healthy is number one, to be happy the other. And I wish that for all my loved ones. And for peace in the world. If you think that sounds too naff then that’s tough. Stop reading now.

This should be top of the list really
I always wanted children, to have my very own family, my own flesh and blood. I wanted ten, then six, then four but was only allowed two but I love them both with all of my heart and I am so proud of them and my three grandchildren too.

I always wanted to find my roots
, It took nearly a lifetime but I have done so.

I always wanted to work in a library
. I have achieved that one too

I dream too of owning a book shop but it is an idle dream as I would hate to be tied to a shop full-time.

A few more things I always wanted but never got given?

Straight hair, red hair. Red haired children.

An effortless, powerful, beautiful singing voice.
(Like Celine Dion's maybe? That range and power anyway).

A rocking horse. A flat stomach. An endless pot of money*.

*I will admit that the abovementioned three were copied from my fellow pupils’ homework pages but I identified with them so greatly I just had to include them (so that is not real cheating?).

A camper van.
Love the number plate!

Last, but definitely not least here is a BIG WISH.

A little retreat on the west coast of Ireland.

Here’s hoping,

I’ve just realised I’ve done more than five….

Never was any good at maths. ….

Or homework.

Bye for now,


willow said...

I had this very same flu a few weeks back and it is BAD!!

I've always wanted red hair, to own a bookshop AND a VW van. Never had the yearning for two donkeys, though.

Feel better soon!!! :^)

Faith said...

Great homework Cait. Gold star! I think red hair can be a curse rather than a blessing - all those taunts in the playground. I know because my eldest had red when she was younger, inherited from my grandma. I identify with much of your list, lovely photos too Cait.

Kaycie said...

You poor dear. I'm glad you are on the mend.

My mother is Irish and always wanted children with red hair. But she is that dark eyed kind of Irish like her father before her. She had to settle with red haired cousins. Oddly enough, those red haired cousins had red haired children and there are many, many red heads at her family reunion. We are amongst the few dark haired ones and quite stand out in that sea of red hair.

ChrisH said...

Ah, Cait, so lovely to have you back. Take care of yourself and be prepared for feeling down and know that you'll come out the other side. Your 'wants' and 'not wanted' are just what I've come to expect from 'knowing' you as a fellow blogger; modest, gentle and wise.

ChrisH said...

Ps, granddaughter, daughter and mother to various shades of red haired women! (who have all complained about it at one time or another!)

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

I'm glad you are feeling better! You know, I've never had the flu....only bad colds. But, I have had migraines and you're right...not much is worse.

I have straight hair and a rocking horse, but that's about it from your list. I do think you should get the donkeys though. I've always thought they were so sweet. Did you ever see the Christmas episode of All Creatures Great and Small with the donkey? Precious.

Inthemud said...

Well I must certainly give you A+++ for your effort, such a lovely way to set out your "homework" though really you didn't answer the question properly, 5 wishes, you did far more, but who cares, they were wonderful, loved the donkeys and the canal boat and romany caravan.
And the library, I wish I'd given more thoughts to my wants, you have many of mine that i didn't express!
So sorry to hear you've been so poorly with flu, glad you 're on the mend


Milla said...

Greedy old Cait, I was chuckling as I went through the list of more and more things, each of them very you. Yes, wouldn't want red hair, my cousin has and although it's lovely in itself, children are cruel and so was her childhood. That flu sounds truly horrible. I'm sorry now for suggesting it was all your fault for not snogging a pig (Cooers will get this ref, due to a pic posted by Blossom)

Cait O'Connor said...

Dear Milla,
As I as ill I must have missed out on the pig snogging episode so I don't get the joke? I am not a lover of pigs though (excuse the pun!).

Debs said...

I have the lurgy right now and feel rather lousy.

Love the picture of the campervan, I wouldn't mind one of those either.

Pat Posner said...

I hope you're feeling even better now, Cait. Flu is a miserable thing to have.
I always wanted red hair, too, and donkeys (and goats and llamas).

CAMILLA said...

I loved reading your Homework Cait.

My son had red hair when he was born, but then went blonde about the age of two. My father who was of Irish blood had dark red hair, and my two Grandmother's had very long red hair which was clipped up in a bun.

Yes to owning a book shop, I fear I will never be able to achieve this now somehow.

Love the idea of Romany Caravan, I am thinking all snug inside with lots of soft blankets and little twinkling lamps to it on the outside.

I would love to own two Horses, so that other Horse could keep the other one company.

You are a gifted writer Cait, I do hope you finish the book that is in the making, and I wish you every success with it.

Hope that you are on the mend now from the nasty fluey-bug.