The Wanted and the Definitely Unwanted

Header picture, Connemara Farm is an oil painting by Elizabeth Ryan

Dear Diary,

I’ll start with the Definitely Unwanted.

Now bear with me, I begin with a right whinge. I have been unwell, so make allowances.

The flu seemed like an endurance test. I craved the oblivion of sleep but it would not easily come and when it did ‘twas only in short fits and bursts. Then once the phone rang just as I had got off to sleep and I was startled into wakefulness, I stumbled downstairs to answer it in case it was something important…….I am such a worrier and always imagine the worst whenever the phone rings....... I felt feverish all the time but couldn’t lose myself in deep sleep or in books and the radio was irritating and so, so depressing. Gordon Brown was everywhere, cancer drugs available to some and not others, David Milliband, School shootings, the Economy, Gordon Brown…….

Even the pastoral view from my bedroom window both bored and hurt my sore, sore eyes. I had no appetite but forced little morsels down, a small piece of quiche, some tinned peaches, chicken soup laced with cayenne and garlic (that helped). I drank copious amounts of Yorkshire Gold tea, it was all I craved. But still my sinuses felt blocked and raw, my eyes streamed constantly, my throat was like sandpaper.

I shivered and I sweat. I sweat and I shivered.

Flu always carries depression in its wake, it either strikes at the time or creeps up in a cunning way, post-virally. The dogs would visit me from time to time, trying their best to cheer me. They would sit by the bed and gaze at me, their eyes full of love. I loved them back. Crossness soon took over though as I became angry because I had felt so well before the virus struck, as they always do - suddenly. I felt I was wasting time when I could be doing. Even my pen ran out of ink when I weakly tried to scribble.

M told me that everyone got had this flu.

‘How do you know?’ I asked.

‘I’ve heard everyone talking about it’, he said.

Some comfort there then.

I was not alone.

I soldiered on and tried to console myself - the suffering was nowhere near as bad as a migraine, (it just lasted a hellluva lot longer).

Then to crown it all - this will make you laugh, it’s a real play on words, ha ha. I was eating a bowl of porridge one morning and a crown fell off a front tooth. So now I not only felt like an ugly old hag, I honestly looked like one too.

Tell me honestly Oh Death,

Where is Thy Sting?

*

And now for the Wanted:

Whinge over, I am on the mend, time to catch up on homework.



Five Things I Always Wanted

(This is Purplecoo Homework. I feel sure I’ve done it before; I am overtaken by déjà vu).

A donkey. Well two donkeys to be exact as I feel that one on its own might be lonely.



I would like to adopt two but something is stopping me. The expense? The time it would take looking after them? I don’t know what is holding me back really. I used to dream of having an animal rescue home - perhaps one has to have some dreams that are just destined to always stay forever as dreams?




To live in the country.

I’ve managed to achieve this.

(Oh God, I bet this homework should be things I haven’t been able to achieve but hey ho, who cares? It will be detention for me no doubt).

Let’s get back to what I haven’t got (yet…….. she says, ridiculously optimistic, that’s me!).

A narrow boat.



I often think I could live on one of these

I would love a Romany caravan too.




To write. I do scribble a lot so I guess this could go in the achieved column too.

I’ve always wanted to write a novel. I have one-in-the making but progress is slow (far too much time spent blogging and on Purplecoo?).

I enjoy writing though and that’s the main thing, the pleasure it gives me to do so, whatever rubbish I turn out.

I’m the kind of person that if I did have strong wants then I would go all out for them, some of them. But I am not at all ambitious or materialistic so my greatest needs are simple really and boil down to just the two. To be healthy is number one, to be happy the other. And I wish that for all my loved ones. And for peace in the world. If you think that sounds too naff then that’s tough. Stop reading now.

Children.
This should be top of the list really
I always wanted children, to have my very own family, my own flesh and blood. I wanted ten, then six, then four but was only allowed two but I love them both with all of my heart and I am so proud of them and my three grandchildren too.

I always wanted to find my roots, It took nearly a lifetime but I have done so.

I always wanted to work in a library. I have achieved that one too



I dream too of owning a book shop but it is an idle dream as I would hate to be tied to a shop full-time.


A few more things I always wanted but never got given?

Straight hair, red hair. Red haired children.

An effortless, powerful, beautiful singing voice. (Like Celine Dion's maybe? That range and power anyway).





A rocking horse. A flat stomach. An endless pot of money*.

*I will admit that the abovementioned three were copied from my fellow pupils’ homework pages but I identified with them so greatly I just had to include them (so that is not real cheating?).


A camper van.

Love the number plate!

Last, but definitely not least here is a BIG WISH.

A little retreat on the west coast of Ireland.

Here’s hoping,

I’ve just realised I’ve done more than five….

Never was any good at maths. ….

Or homework.

Bye for now,
Cait