Memories

Dear Diary,

Pleasure is the flower that passes; remembrance, the lasting perfume.

~Jean de Boufflers

Some plants bring memories to me that take me back to old homes, previous lives, pastimes and childhood days. One that always does this for me is the much-loved perennial the Michaelmas Daisy. It speaks to me of autumn, the season I love so with all its scents, its colours and its promises. I love this daisy’s hue, it is synonymous with autumn and I always want to wear its colour for it is kind and forgiving, slightly mysterious and flatters an ageing complexion.

Pink phlox always remind me of our old home, a little cottage in Sussex where they grew under the front window. They were new to me then, I loved them so and I wish now I had brought some with me to Wales all those years ago. Thoughts of West Sussex take me back to the country lane I used to walk each day with my two children and my two dogs. I walked this lane every day from when they were babies (or puppies in the case of the dogs) and always remember the white flowers of ‘milkmaid and the primroses that lined the lane and in the wood at the end there were my beloved bluebells and wild blue scabious.

Primroses were new to me when, as a young woman, I first moved out from London, I had never seen them growing in the wild and they grew profusely around the Surrey village that my adoptive parents moved to. I had hated leaving London and all my friends but soon fell in love with the countryside and it is a passion that has not faded (and plenty do!). Lasting passions, aren’t they wonderful, what are yours I wonder?

As a child in South London I seem to remember that there were antirrhinums in our garden and I have a vague recollection of there being pansies and marigolds (their scent is gorgeous isn’t it?). I still love pansies and my middle granddaughter does too. They are hardy little things in spite of their prettiness and their appearance of delicacy; they spread themselves upwards and outwards and last for ages without much watering or care. The winter ones cheer me all through the cold days, I usually pick the purpley, dark bluey ones.

I asked M if there are any such memories from his past and he mentions the hollyhocks that grew wild and untended in his dear mother’s garden. These are one of my favourite flowers but I find it difficult to keep them going here in the Welsh hills. M’s memories of autumn are of chestnutting; picking them, boiling them and then eating them with sore fingers. All this is alien to me being a child of the Smoke. He remembers picking wild raspberries and says that the Bramley apples in his mother’s garden were ‘as big as someone’s head‘. He also mentioned snapdragons, I called them antirrhinums earlier but wish I had used the name snapdragons as for one it is easier to spell and two it is also a more magical name. I wrote a silly little rambling poem about flowers once where I mention one:



Musings from the Flower Garden



Crocus.
Cheering,
reviving old certainties;
unfolding spring.
Snowdrop.
Woodland’s white drops,
proclaiming joy,
sweetly nestling like jewels
in ice-petalled drifts,
they resurrect our passions.
Harebell.
coyly she peeps.
reflecting gossamer blue,
Daffodil.
Parades among her fields of gold.
Mimosa.
I can almost taste her almondness
and her vanilla
in its mottled and powdery fluffiness.
Around me bees are thronging;
buzzing and barging
for the sweet delight
that is the orange pollen.
Before they are fed and dusted,
sated and in retreat
will the Dragon Snap?

Cait O’Connor


*


A little mouse lives close by my bird feeding station, its hole is clearly visible and he obviously keeps himself and his family well fed on what the birds drop from their beaks. Last night my collie Kitty wouldn’t come in from her last-thing-at-night outing - I thought she was lost - but I found her laying by the mousehole, glued to it in fact and she was most reluctant to leave it. I’ve never had a mousing dog before so I found it highly amusing.

Blessings?

Another Good Book. It’s not a new title but a borrower recommended The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd and I am really enjoying it. She said she was phoning all her friends and telling them that they must read it, I think she was right. It is also a film, I will wait until l I have read the book and then order the DVD through the library.

I also want to get hold of Alan Bennett’s new one - A Life like Other People’s. I so love this man’s writing.

Free Days - I am on leave from work this week - getting in practice for retirement perhaps? Sometimes I think it would be nice to be retired but I really love my job and for financial reasons will have to work until I drop anyway so it’s just as well.

Dry days - they are such a novelty and even if the sun doesn’t shine (like yesterday) they are a joy.

There is to be a fresh review of the sex offender’s law - probably after the outcry at the ridiculous measures suggested by the authorities. I blogged about this very recently.

Autumn, autumn, autumn, can’t you tell I just love it?

New beginnings - I can feel them stirring.


Bye for now,
Enjoy the day,
Cait

Not really a rant

Dear Diary,

One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings.  The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.  ~Carl Jung

I was in the Past Times shop recently in Shrewsbury and the Eleven-Plus Book caught my eye.  Genuine exam questions from yesteryear (what a lovely word yesteryear).    I purchased the book recently on a whim and partly because my middle grand-daughter is eleven and now goes to High School in a local market town.  (All secondary schools are called High Schools in Wales but in my day high schools were for the very bright indeed), 

Maybe I wanted to see if all the girls would be able to answer the questions, it might be a good test of  standards nowadays?    I did buy the book for S but still have it - she will get it but I haven’t got round to reading it yet.   Truth to tell though am I perhaps nervous at peeking at those kind of questions again?  Will I struggle with long division and the like?  (Yes!)

There were different exams set by different Exam Boards dependent upon where you lived.  I went to school in South London and from the age of eight I was lucky enough to go to an excellent junior school.  Before that I had been to an inferior school in an area not too far away but we had moved house so I changed schools.  As always, teaching is down to the quality of the teachers and I struck gold with Miss Bray (I think I have blogged about her before).  She was dedicated, round, gentle and kindly and she cared.  I was a bit of a lost and vulnerable child and she brought me out of myself a wee bit so I have a great deal to thank her for.  She would have been called a spinster in those days.  Remember that word?  Bit of an insult don’t you think, I hate labelling.  Come to think of it I was taught by many ‘spinsters’ at my grammar school, I guess married women gave up work in those days.  For reasons I won’t  bore you with I escaped an Irish Catholic education and from what I hear from friends and relatives who had one  I am not too sad about it.

I’m digressing again.

Back in those mists of yesteryear I passed the eleven-plus and to be honest (again) I just loved the kind of questions we were set.   I had been well prepared, I  loved challenges and loved words; not too good on the maths though but I knew my tables and I could add up and take away (what more do you need? - be honest now) so I must have got by in the arithmetic section. 

M is relaying the radio’s news to me, he is listening to the Today programme.  I have given up watching TV news and even avoid Today lately, preferring to scribble or read a novel.  I must say my blood pressure has lowered dramatically.  What M is telling me is old news in fact, the plans for all people mixing with children, even volunteers or visitors to schools to have to be CRB checked.  And people like authors  on school visits will have to pay (£80?) to be checked!  I know a couple of well known writers whose names I have forgotten have declined to do any more school visits which is such a great loss to the children involved.

This often-used phrase spills from my mouth:

 The world has gone mad..

Do you know anyone who hasn’t used this phrase?  I don’t.  I sometimes feel we are being invaded and under siege by an army of bureaucrats. God help us.  Just another nail in the coffin.  I know police checks have to be carried out on those who work with children.  I had one myself when I worked with them, in some jobs it is necessary but these people who sit in offices take everything to extremes.  Most child abuse takes place in the home in any case.  Extremism is something we should avoid - don’t you think it is the cause of most of the world’s troubles?  There should always be a place for compromise and good old common sense. (where has common sense gone?).

My brother told me that he was taking his wife’s cousin round South London recently on the heritage trail, the cousin was over from South Africa after many years away from the UK, he had left when he was a child.  They pulled up in the car outside his old school and the cousin pulled out his camera to take a pic for posterity.  Before my brother could say that would not go down well a teacher was making her way across the playground and admonishing them.  My brother explained the situation and voiced his doubts of any contravention of any actual law.   

What is the world coming to? 

Another well-worn phrase spills from me. 

I am not ranting, I am far too happy to rant today.   The sunny weather we have been having has revived me as it has the flowers in the garden; they are all bursting forth again and it is such a joy.   The sun is shining brightly and it is set fair for the weekend and please God, beyond.

Blessings are in order.

Last night’s moonlight.

Today’s sun on the water.

The grass which has been cut by M yesterday, his first chance for weeks and it was getting near knee high.

Wild Life in all its many forms.

Bless the birds and the bees, the garden is alive with both today. And I saw three wild ducks (mallards) fishing in our river, ducking and diving as they do.  They don’t visit often but I get really excited when they do.  I’m sure they were two parents teaching the young one how to fish (like the otters do with their young sometimes).  We have a really deep pool area in the river now which appeared after the Great Flood - I had visions of the girls swimming in there this summer but alas it has not been hot enough.

My fuchsias and montbretia which remind me of my roots in the best place in the world, the south west of Ireland.

Talking of roots I have been found on the Ancestry website by a relative who descends from an Irish couple who emigrated to London way back in yesteryear - we share a branch in our trees.  He lives in Canada and without the Ancestry site he would not have found me.  So this will be a final blessing along with the family search.org site or LDS as some folk call it (I do).  If you are interested in doing your family tree these two sites are brilliant.  Ancestry is very well worth the subscription and you can access its records free in all UK libraries.  LDS is free.

Well I have rattled on a bit again. 

I’d best be off and get the day started.

May yours be a happy one.
Go mbeannai Dia duit,
Cait.

September

West Cork - Artist - Dee Pieters

Dear Diary,

The breezes taste
Of apple peel.
The air is full
Of smells to feel-
Ripe fruit, old footballs,
Burning brush,
New books, erasers,
Chalk, and such.
The bee, his hive,
Well-honeyed hum,
And Mother cuts
Chrysanthemums.
Like plates washed clean
With suds, the days
Are polished with
A morning haze."
- John Updike, September

My sister emailed me recently and talked about her love of the month of September; she mentioned the air of calm about it. It is the month of her birth which made me wonder, do we all have a fondness for the season during which we were born? I am a child of Spring and certainly think of it as my favourite time of year.

But I love September too and I felt its calm as I walked with the dogs in the field this morning; there was for once complete silence, no traffic of any kind could be heard, no foolhardy motorcyclists treating our Welsh roads like racetracks which happens every Sunday with accidents happening regular as clockwork, and often fatal.

I digress.

The air is balmy today and only the gentlest of drizzles caressed me on my way earlier this morning. West Cork weather I call it, my very favourite climate that suits my Celtic soul. There was a faint mist over the nearest mountain top and I wished I had brought my camera with me. Then quite suddenly the sun came out, full on this time and I felt sad that most holidaymakers have returned home - the adults back to work and the children back to their new terms at school and that they would miss seeing Wales as it can be in sunny weather. I thought again how lucky I am to live here in my little piece of Paradise.

September’s stillness has captured me as it always does, this month-in-waiting with her one foot in summer and another placed firmly forward into Autumn, the season that for me is always brimful of colour and delight. And newness: new starts, new notebooks, new projects getting underway. Stop me, I am getting excited now for I always wax lyrical about September and this year will be no exception. I don’t even mind winter except that it goes on just a little too long.
The hermit in me loves to hibernate you see and loves log fires, soups and all things cosy.

Talking of mist David Gray has a new single out. I read yesterday a journalist describing him as the musical equivalent of mist - I don’t think he meant it so but being a mist lover I would take that as a compliment myself - His new single is called Fugitive, the CD is called Draw the Line.





And if you want a good book to read, not too heavy (sorry this is an unintended pun) I have just read...




The Weight of Water by Penelope Evans. A good read that resonated with me as I live in a cottage by a river which is (partly) the theme of the book. Reading it I could certainly feel the weight of the water in her writing.

So blessings today?

Masses, but I will restrict myself to:

Silence, Solitude, Stillness and Calm.

David Gray’s words and music.

Feeling rested after a few days off work.

A new Anne Tyler novel to start today. Staying on the watery theme it is called Noah's Compass...



Another new book - The poet Denise Blake has a new book out whose cover is Barrie Maguire’s picture which I love so much - the little girl wrapped in the green fields of the map of Ireland (see below in earlier blog). It is a small world indeed as I only discovered this through a comment on a previous blog. I will post the title when I know it.

My genealogy work is going really well and I am still chasing and catching many dead people; however hard they try they just can’t escape me.

Bye for now,
May the sun shine on you today,
Go mbeannai Dia duit,
Cait.

Let it Be

Dear Diary,

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.

~Maya Angelou, Gather Together in My Name

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

Sorry I have been absent for a while, I have been busy with family visitors and very enjoyable it was too even though the weather was not on its best behaviour.

While relaxing on the sofa last night I enjoyed a journey back into my past as I watched the programmes on BBC2 that were part of a BBC radio and television tribute to the Beatles.

The Beatles were the background to my teenage years, to my growing-into-a-woman years. I bought every one of their records, their photos adorned my bedroom wall and there was always one stuck under the desk of my lid at school - I could never choose between McCartney and George Harrison though nowadays George would be the winner, God rest his soul.

They had several good 'quotes':

Money Can't buy me Love


All You Need is Love


Give Peace a Chance


Let it Be was their last single, probably one of their best and definitely one I would take to my Desert Island. I tried to post it for you but it would not work so instead I have posted In My Life which is another favourite of mine.

Enjoy.

Midweek Ramblings

Dear Diary,

War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 

Bertrand Russell

Hell, it is a week since my last post, I really must try harder, it seems I have had lots to do and have not been able to put my mind to blogging.  This morning though I woke feeling the need to write down my thoughts, they are very random, I apologise in advance.

There are things I need to help me get going in the morning; things that make them bearable because I am a night owl and do not function well at day break.  What do I need?  Amber nectar first which is a big mug of Yorkshire Gold laced with local honey - though the Welsh stuff  is now £4.95 a jar which I cannot afford so I am reduced to buying the inferior supermarket jars, whatever is the best buy - it is usually from abroad.  I realise the honey is expensive because of its scarcity - the problem with disease that beekeepers are having.  Perhaps I should become a beekeeper myself?

My radio brings me back to reality and this morning and I have a treat in store - Johnny Walker - no not more amber nectar of a different kind but my favourite DJ who is sitting in for Terry Wogan.  He plays my favourite tracks but I don’t know how he knows they are my favourites?

So this morning I avoid Radio 4 and the Today programme, it is always doom and gloom as news always is and it unfailingly raises my blood pressure.  I get so angry about things especially what I hear on Radio 2 news today - the death of another soldier ten days after being blown up in Afghanistan.  It seems like the First World War to me sending young boys off on patrol (?) to their almost certain death.  And they are no more than boys, I am a mother of a son myself and I can only barely imagine the pain the mothers of these soldiers are going through.    I know one mother of a soldier out there who is a borrower in the library and she has become very quiet when she comes in - she used to be bright and bubbly.  It is difficult to know what to say to her.

 I think we should get out  of Afghanistan and soon.  When will Man ever understand the futility of war?  Which reminds me, someone has recommended a film directed by Clint Eastwood that is about this very subject, I must order it (I forget the title, anyone know?).

I digress, sorry.

Other things I need.  A shower and a short yoga session to get my blood circulating and relieve tension,  Then I need my cranberry juice, my organic porridge with cinnamon, ground almonds and fruit, my daily fix of ‘supplement’ pills, another mug of the amber stuff and then my day can begin.  Am I set in my ways would you say?

Johnny has played Chris Rea, Roxy Music, Eva Cassidy , George Harrison, Manfred Mann and many more lovely tracks.  I know they are old songs but the sign of a good songwriter is if the song  is still good twenty years later.  After all no-one says that classical music is old so it is not worth listening to.

Talking of classics I want to force a book on you if you haven’t already read it.  It is Deaf Sentence by David Lodge.  So laugh out loud funny,  so tearfully sad, so very moving.  I will say no more,  Just read it.

It’s not the weather to be outside today, apparently we are going to be in the tail end of a hurricane called Bill.  I may have a polish-fest in the cottage, (a very rare event for me getting out the duster) and some ‘proper’ nice smelling polish is called for.  I have a daily battle with cobwebs too as I never kill spiders, I only remove their webs.  (If you want to live and thrive, let a spider run alive - that is a gypsy saying).

Before I go I want to share with you this poem that won the recent Welsh Poetry Competition.

All I could say when I first read it was Wow.


The Origami Lesson



To make Derry Railway Station,
fold the gentle Foyle
beside this end, thus,
where the train breathes at a slight curve,
and for the white fence,
press the line
upon the middle crease
in a fine rain, then
unfold the sheeted roof wing by wing
in line with dim bridges
and the rounded wall.

For Evarethilion,
begin by folding lengthwise
and separating
amongst bright enamels.
To make the unearthly shine,
fold the top point –
which will be the blade –
into a garnet beast, and double back
the silver pommel
into the dotted fist.
Align the creases as if
a rainbow were a staircase
upon which
folded feet boldly tread.

The leaping gnu.
You may use the shimmer
from a lake amidst grassland,
but a hill will do.
Divide the top half into three hearts:
cow, horse and goat.
Take point X upon the hoof
and fold the top edge, thus,
upon its grunt,
so it is roughly equal
to the distance from
the far sun that pours
beneath black clouds to the brown,
dusty horizon.
To make the water,
turn the world over,
and crease.
Your gnu will fall from the mountain fold
towards sunset.
The valley fold will open upon it,
and his beautiful beard
will make a tasselled shadow.

John Galas


I shall sign off now; when I started writing this the pine trees outside my window were completely still, now they are starting to wave at me energetically and the aspens are quaking - Bill must be on his way.  I’m off to batten down a few hatches.  Sorry its been a bit of a ramble today.  Better than nothing I hope.

Bye for now,
Go mbeannai Dia duit,
Cait.

Less is More

Time Passing By

The artist - Gyuri Lohmuller

Dear Diary,

fear less, hope more;
eat less, chew more;
whine less, breathe more;
talk less, say more;

love more and all good things will be yours.

Swedish Proverb.

I promised I would tell you about two books that I have enjoyed recently on the subject of time. The first was recommended to me by a fellow blogger and is called:

Ten Thoughts About Time. How to make more of the time in your life.

by Bodil Jonsson, a Swedish author

and by pure synchronicty (I don't believe in coincidences) I have picked a Swedish proverb to start my post.

When I read Mark's comment I looked the book up straightaway and luckily found it in our library catalogue so I put a request in for it and then (synchronicity again) I stumbled upon another on the same subject that embraces that less word word that is so dear to my heart at the moment. I thought the book was excellent as it seemed to make many practical suggestions for dealing with time.

It is called The Power of Less by Leo Babauta.

This is its blurb.

With the arrival of the 21st century we have encountered a mental and material explosion in the Western world: we have near-unlimited information at our fingertips, we can have children who are healthy and safe, and we have wealth and possessions beyond what most of the world can dream of. Yet we are more stressed than we have ever been: the majority of us are profoundly unhappy. But the flipside of our society is that we can choose what to accept, and what not to accept: what to keep, and what to lose, joyfully and consciously. With this handbook of simplicity, Leo Babauta shows us why less is powerful, the difference between what you want and what you need, and how to clear out what you don't.

This author also has a blog that needs no recommendation from me - it is in the top thirty blogs apparently but is (obviously) well worth a look, there are some great ideas there.

That’s all for today, my garden is calling me for some attention, I have a fig tree plant to repot, a bed to dig over, a seat to sit in and a Good Book to read - and heyho it is a fine day!

So bye for now,
Enjoy your time,
Cait

Church on Sunday

Flowers and afternoon sunlight at St Mary's.

Dear Diary,

Just a short one today as I am rather busy - Monday chores to do and I am soon to be chasing the dead again.  It's an addiciton that doesn't damage my health - apart from the lack of sleep that I am suffering from which is caused by too many late nights on the Ancestry website.

Thank you for the comments on the previous post (self portrait poem) - it was written a bit tongue in cheek and I used a few untruths, sorry -  a little bit of poetic licence -  but some days I do feel like the archetypal grumpy old woman.  But I am not yet completely steely grey...not quite yet.

Yesterday we went to visit a church where one of M's ancestors was christened in 1730 - St Mary the Virgin's in Middleton-on-the-Hill which lies in deepest Herefordshire.  And I mean deepest - it took us ages to find the place; as usual it was a case of really poor signposting.  The area of Little Hereford is a literal maze of narrow lanes, farmland and scattered cottages, it felt like going back in time and we could imagine how remote it would have been when his distant grandfather lived there.  M has Huguenot roots so I am busy researching all about them.

This is the church, it is 12th century and was so very beautiful and peaceful.  The approach to it was across a straight track between two wide fields of barley, they were fields of gold indeed yesterday in the golden sunlight and the wide flat fields reminded me of Norfolk.  Yesterday was a real summer's day for a change - a perfect afternoon to be out and about.  I am pleased to say that all the churches we have visited in Herefordshire recently have been unlocked and so welcoming with their atmospheres of peace and perfect calm.

I have a thing about church windows. This one was very narrow.

Another sweet flower arrangement on a wall.

Before I go here is a poem I wrote that was inspired by my latest addiction.


Family Tree


Another day, another show, a drama in the making
but I wake to insignificance, hearing only a small whisper
for I am clothed in human form
and only chasing the ungrateful dead.
Tracing the past has narrowed my vision.
Is this how an addict feels?
For like a drug, it absorbs and excites me
yet shrinks me down in an unstoppable fashion
till I am the user at the break of dawn,
or in the dead of night when you may catch me
as I leap from branch to branch,
peeping at paper records, tapping at keys.

One man and one woman; it always ends with two
and their love and passion for the other;
‘tis the human trait we cannot help but recognise.
Then it dawns: we are all just part of One Big Pattern
almost holy and connected..

I travel back as far as only hope can
to reach the proud ones standing tall astride tree’s majesty.
Then I fade once more to narrowness and feel so small
not realising that I am still on stage now,
and it is not yet time to take my curtain call.


Cait O’Connor


Tomorrow I shall recommend two books for you that are really worth reading if you feel you don't have enough hours in a day.  They embrace the magic that lies in the word 'less' - something I have been thinking a lot about lately.

So do call again.

Bye for now,
Go mbeannai Dia duit,
Cait

Self Portrait

You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul

George Bernard Shaw

1856-1950

Self Portrait



Who is this old woman I catch sight of every day?
The face with wrinkly lines,the voice that seems to moan a lot
and always boasts of times gone by
when absolutely everything was so much better than today.
Her hair is steely grey now but she says she doesn’t care.
She says she’ll grow it long and throw the dyes and all her caution to the winds
and wear it in what old grannies called a bun.
She eats little and just loves her herbal brews,
treads carefully upon the stairs in case once more she falls.
She’s careless, loses words and patience,
names and glasses,
keys and memories.
(And doesn’t hear too well).
She hasn’t any vices, I cannot think of one at all.
She doesn’t drink, she doesn’t smoke,
she even tires at middle-day and sometimes takes a nap
and still retires to bed at night with only cocoa and a book
and tells me it is heavenly!
(Could she be more boring you may ask)?
She seems to know me very well, too bloody well in fact,
(we must be closely linked somehow?).
I really cannot fool her though however hard I try.
She’s seen it all and done it all
and brags to all and sundry
the fact that she’s a granny now and her three girls
are definitely the best and just the brightest in the world.
I kind of recognise her eyes and voice,
they seem familiar in a way.
But still I wonder who she is for
I cannot recognise her.
Her clothes are mostly purple now,
she doesn’t give a damn,
she knows just what she really wants
and what she will or will not ever do.
She’s been near death so values life
and loves her precious family.
And in some ways I envy her because
she’s become with age a lot more wise
(she’s read a lot you know)
and seems so happy in her skin.
I do enjoy her company
it’s almost like we’re kin.
But every time I see her face
she tells me she is me!
But it can’t be me, I feel so young!
Oh tell me please
where lives that soft young woman I once was
with my babies on my knee?

Cait O’Connor

PS Who invented mirrors? The swine!

Musings on Time

Dear Diary,

“The real dividing line between things we call work and the things we call leisure is that in leisure, however active we may be, we make our own choices and our own decisions. We feel for the time being that our life is our own.”

Anonymous

I woke up naturally again today, no alarm, no Radio 4, no Today programme which, much as I love it, does raise my blood pressure. Today is the last day of a couple of weeks’ annual leave/change of routine. Because I work part-time my holiday ‘extends’ even if I only take a few days off, one of the advantages I guess. Tomorrow I will be back in the library, I really love my job so no hardship there but I do love the freedom that no-work gives me. A taste of what future retirement will be like perhaps?

M and I  often try and guess the time when we don’t know it and I am usually spot-on or only a few minutes out in my estimation and this morning, just after eight o’clock was no exception. I must keep a kind of unconscious vigil on time in my brain which is rather worrying. I got to musing about the whole subject of time this morning so from now on this post is just a few random ramblings on the subject before I rise and ‘seize the day’ (or the moment).

There are gentle rains falling and I have much work still to do in the jungle - sorry garden - as most of my time off it has been raining. We could almost make hay with the garden cuttings alone. Talking of which we’ve just had a small spell of hot dry weather though and thank God, the local farmers have at last been able to finish making silage or hay and they have been working flat out. Our field has been done - my favourite time - all pollen banished now - and the dogs and I enjoyed an evening walk yesterday on the virginal grass stubbles, weaving our way through the shiny black wrapped bales of silage.

And these last few days I have found my garden again, albeit overgrown and buried amongst weeds and M has strimmed all the grass which had grown too high to mow. All my plans of clearing and creating ‘new’ flowerbeds have not come to fruition. Never mind, there is always another time, God willing.

How did I cope with time when I had ‘time off‘?

I chased time but it was always out of reach and was never letting me catch it. It has never hung on me, never been an empty vessel with me wondering how I could fill it - I have never been bored in my life - (there are always books aren’t there?). At break of day I would ask it to stretch for me so I could fill it only with pleasure, small tasks of joy rather than necessity perhaps, not chores of pain or work. I could have a spell of this, a stint of something else. I could be quiet and live only in the lull or go with the proverbial flow of soft time - have you tried this? It is truly energising. Usually chores jostled for my attention and worst of all there were those dreaded lists of ‘things to do today’ with each item fighting for dominance. Why do unpleasant tasks always weigh so heavily on our minds? - I have found it is sometimes easier to tackle them and get them out of the way first, doing them can be easier than not doing them.

Is there an angel of Time? I doubt it for Time is man-made like armies are and it marches onwards, it advances quick-time left to right and I feel and dread its linear regimentation, I crave the gentler pace. At certain times; the cooling of the day or at sunset or when I gardened or did my yoga then time became my best friend, at last she acquiesced and lay down around me, expanding in all directions, becoming at last circular which was always my Celtic soul’s unconscious intention.

How does time elapse and pass? People say ’Where does the time go?’ I would like to face them to the wall along with the clocks and live only by my own desires or be almost like the cradled infant just listening to my own body’s needs and rhythms. There are only moons and tides, the Sun and the planets, seasons and lifetimes, the future never will come but every moment is an ever-present gift to us.

I would love to rise with the dawning of the light and sleep with its fall. I would like to dream with the seasons and celebrate each of their own unique gifts. Time is just our present, it is but a moment of stillness and ‘stiller’ too if it is silent and is met with solitude.

I will sign off now; I feel that the time is right. I will try and remember each moment that life is but a dream and that we are all dreaming and creating our own lives with the energies of our thoughts. Perhaps we should dream away and not waste away each day of our all too short lives on planet Earth.

I must owe you a poem.

The Waking

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.

We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.

Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Theodore Roethke

May all your time be soft,

Bye for now,
Go mbeannai Dia duit,
Cait.

Books

Dear Diary,

Sunflower

Vincent Van Gogh

It is the artist's business to create sunshine when the sun fails

Romain Rolland French writer 1866-1944

The weather is foul - where and why is the Sun hiding itself? Derek Brockway, our lovely Welsh TV weather man says it’s all to do with the Jet Stream that is sweeping over us - I’ve never heard of it before but I wish it would sweep somewhere else. I think I will be curling up with a good book later when I have done a little more work on the family tree. Before I do though I promised I would tell you what books I have been reading, so here goes, there are some old, some new.


The Story of Lucy Gault - William Trevor. I love William Trevor books and always thought I had read this one but surprisingly it turned out I hadn’t. I happen to believe it is his best.

Now another Irish author - I hope I am not too biased.

Brooklyn by Colm Toibin

This man writes so well, I have read all his books and this one is so lovely. It goes its way slowly, gently but so so smoothly and I am sure you will enjoy it.

The Road Home by Rose Tremain. I am reading this at the moment and I don’t like putting it down. It is not a ‘happy’ read, it’s about an economic migrant and doesn't exactly lift my mood in this grey weather but I will persevere as it is such good writing. I recommend it highly, every sentence is just perfect and a joy to read.

I am just about to read the new Salley Vickers. Did you know why she spells her name Salley by the way - it’s all down to Yeats and his poem Down by the Salley Gardens. Yeats was her father’s favourite poet. Salley means ‘willow’.

Also on my to-read shelf is The Reader by Bernhard Schlink - this has been recommended to me by two people, one is my daughter. I don’t think this will be a cheerful book either but I will read and report on it.

I have really enjoyed David Lodge’s Deaf Sentence - I won’t say any more as the Purplecoo Book Group have chosen it for discussion in a couple of month’s time. I would force it on you though as a must-read. Lodge is another of my favourite authors - he makes me laugh out loud. This book has more than just humour though……….

I am sure to find a laugh or two as well in Lucy Mangan’s
My Family and Other Disasters. I used to enjoy her extremely funny columns in The Guardian.

In a car boot sale recently I found a Diana Cooper book on angels - Angel Answers. If, like me, you believe in angels and have questions to ask, you will enjoy this one.

For my ever-present poetry-hunger I have borrowed from the library’s new additions:


Long-Haul Travellers by Sheenagh Pugh

And more poetry-food has been bought in Hay (as very cheap bargains)

Not in these Shoes by Samantha Wynne-Rhydderch.


All Alcoholics are Charmers (great title and written by Martina Evans who grew up in Cork).

Exemplary Damages by Dennis O’Driscoll, another Irish poet (Tipperary born).

Last but so very far from least comes a great favourite of mine, the great Kerry writer Brendan Kennelly and his book of three-liners called Now.

Here is a taste … I will open it at random., I am a great believer in oracling, what will it tell me I wonder?

Looking forward, it seemed like eternity.

Looking back now, it’s a moment.

I’ll settle for now.

When words make love to each other

some beautiful children are born

and the occasional monster.

How much of a man is lost in success?

Quite a lot she thinks, looking at the man

To whom she almost said yes.

Before I go I will give you a song version of the aforementioned poem: I sing this around the house or in the car myself when no-one is around.

My favourite YouTube version of the song could not be embedded - do go over and listen to Maura O’Connell and Karen Mathesa singing it together, it sent shivers down me.

Here are the words.

DOWN by the salley gardens my love and I did meet;
She passed the salley gardens with little snow-white
feet.
She bid me take love easy, as the leaves grow on the
tree;
But I, being young and foolish, with her would not
agree.
In a field by the river my love and I did stand,
And on my leaning shoulder she laid her snow-white
hand.
She bid me take life easy, as the grass grows on the weirs;
But I was young and foolish, and now am full of tears.

Well I will sign off now, there are more book titles I could suggest but I will save them for another time.

What are you reading?

Bye for now,
Go mbeannai Dia duit,
Cait.

Powis Castle

Before Summer Rain

Suddenly, from all the green around you,
something-you don't know what-has disappeared;
you feel it creeping closer to the window,
in total silence. From the nearby wood

you hear the urgent whistling of a plover,
reminding you of someone's Saint Jerome:
so much solitude and passion come
from that one voice, whose fierce request the downpour

will grant. The walls, with their ancient portraits, glide
away from us, cautiously, as though
they weren't supposed to hear what we are saying.

And reflected on the faded tapestries now;
the chill, uncertain sunlight of those long
childhood hours when you were so afraid.

Raine Marie Rilke
Translated by Stephen Mitchell

Dear Diary,

I must apologise for not blogging for ages. Life got in the way as it often does, along with a change in routine.

Here is my latest effort before I make my way to the Ark.

I have to keep reminding myself it is summer and as I write these words the river is rising, its now earthy brown water is lapping at the bottom of the bridge and is already over the bank in places. It has rained solidly all morning, lightly in the main but with occasional very strong and angry bursts. If we are going to be flooded there is nothing we can do to prevent it; I am quite philosophical now. I can’t remember when I last hung washing out to dry(you might recall that is one of my peculiar pleasures).

So I sit upstairs looking out of the study window and posting you a few summery pics taken last weekend at Powis Castle, near Welshpool. I hope their bright colours will cheer you. It was probably the only sunny day we have had for some time. And would you believe it, though it is a long way from home we met one of our neighbours there. The gardens are beautiful, with gorgeous flowerbeds set on terraces overlooking twenty plus acres of grass and woodland.

I took a few pics of the blossoms.

A shady spot!

A camera-shy mother peahen and her babes

I have taken a couple of weeks off work but my dreams of working in the garden and rewarding myself by sitting on my deckchair by the river with a Good Book have all but vanished. It has even been chilly and extra layers of clothing and our new central heating have been employed at times.

So what have I been doing? I have been chasing the dead - working on our family trees, tying up loose ends and doing some more detective work. Escaping into the past I guess but very enjoyable, albeit extremely addictive. I have found a few gems of information and am still on the case.

I have been reading too and will post next about some of the Good Books that I would force upon you.

I will sign off now as I have to go out this afternoon, I just hope I don’t return to a flooded cottage.

Bye for now,
Go mbeanna Dia duit,
Cait

Memory banks - a deposit and a withdrawal.

A Memory Tree

Each item, each ornament,
each bauble, bangle, a memory
a special moment in our lives
remembered each year in the decorating
the dressing of the tree, under which the presents
will be placed, connections to special times,
milestones in our family
birthdays, firsts and more
family history too, of ornaments
given and gotten from
earlier saints we have known

Raymond A Foss

Dear Diary,

Fond memory brings the light of other days around me

Thomas More

Aries (Mar21-Apr20)

A piece of music, whiff of perfume or magazine article might remind you of times gone by. Don't fight the feeling; revisit a long forgotten territory and savour this trip down memory lane. You might feel uplifted that some experiences from years ago feel like it happened yesterday. Sharing this with others could stir up a few more old memories. This gives you a chance to celebrate how interesting at times, your life has been.

Synchronicity at work again. The above is my horoscope courtesy of Russell Grant.

I went to my daughter’s graduation ceremony recently, she obtained a BA in English and History and I have feelings of great pride at her achievements, not least because she is a mother of three and has been through some difficult times that coincided with her studies, so I am doubly proud of her.

The memory of that occasion will stay with me and will go into my happy memory bank.

Along with that feeling of great joy the degree ceremony took me back to the days before I was a mother. Thirty years in fact in - a past life - when I worked at a university in a (scientific) departmental office as a secretary for a Professor and through the job met many postgraduate students as well as a large number of younger undergraduates. Much groundbreaking research was carried out there and it still is.

These were the days of electric typewriters, IBM Golfballs, anyone remember those? (I am showing my age now but what the heck, I still feel exactly the same). The post-grads were always in and out of the office and we would type anything they wanted. There were lots of symposiums, conferences etc and we were always included in the social activities, they were wonderful times.

I am digressing.

At the weekend I was thinking back to those happy days and something made me Google the name of one of the post-grads; I can honestly say that all the students were extremely nice but this one in particular, who was from Cyprus, was probably the nicest; he always had a big smile and would bring gifts, send cards on our birthdays, that sort of thing. We saw all the students through their studies, typing their long and detailed scientific theses privately in our spare time and we rejoiced with them when they obtained their doctorates.

Anyway, just one click of my mouse on Saturday and to my pleasant surprise I found him and even more exciting I learned that he is now a Professor himself in the same university. I sent him a quick email, I didn’t even think he would remember me but a reply came yesterday to say that he did and (coincidentally again) he is having lunch this week with the lovely woman who used to be in charge of us in the office, he still meets her two or three times a year for lunch and they reminisce together. It was good to hear that they both have the same strong and very fond memories of the old days as I do, he mentioned the camaraderie, the fun and the spirit within the department which was indeed something special. Now the commercial pressures on universities mean that those days will never come again. But we can look back and as he said nostalgia is a wonderful thing.

I started with a quote, here’s another to end with:

The timeless in you is aware of life’s timelessness and knows that yesterday is but today’s memory and tomorrow is today’s dream.

Kahlil Gibran

That’s all for now,
May all your memories be happy ones,
Cait

Favourites - A Meme

A favourite picture by Monet, a favourite artist

Dear Diary,

My heart? that's my second favourite organ.

Woody Allen,

I promised to do this meme for dear Frances so here goes.

I think it will be a disappointment though, so apologies in advance.



Five favourite songs?

I am no good at favourites because I find it impossible to choose a favourite anything, I just cannot whittle down my many many loves to just one. I suppose it’s a bit like when you have children, or grandchildren… you could never have a favourite, you would never have one as you love them all equally don’t you?

And I have favourite songs that change frequently. At the moment there are two.

Ohio see previous blog and you can hear it there as well.

I have really fallen in love with a voice and its song though and it is Gurrumul singing Wyathul and you can hear that as well on a previous blog (see below).

I am currently into Paolo Nutini as well and love his song Candy. You can hear that in a previous blog as well. My son sings this one now and does a brilliant job with it.

Johnny Walker has been presenting Wogan’s morning show on Radio 2 for the last fortnight and he has of course been playing excellent music. I don’t dislike Terry Wogan but I do wish Johnny would take over the programme, it would be nice to get rid of the inane and sometimes vulgar schoolboy humour that is on Wogan’s slot now and the lack of good music to boot.

I am digressing as usual.

Other songs I have enjoyed this week?

My son has written a new song which I love and it is on my brain.

I have Paul Brady in my CD player and also the highly underrated Jack Savoretti. I have just been listening to Foreigner’s I want to know what Love Is, that is one of my Desert Island Discs (I will blog those one day).

Five Films?

Even harder this one. I don’t watch a lot of films.

Waiting to be watched is On the Black Hill, the book by Bruce Chatwin is a classic, you must read it. Also waiting is the Jane Austen Book Club. The last film I watched was with my youngest granddaughter and it was The Yes Man with Jim Carey, we both enjoyed it, it was funny but kind of had a message too.

These are the latest films I have enjoyed.

• The Yes Man
• Sixty-six
• The Changeling
• The Constant Gardener
• The Duchess
• Taken
• Ghost Town (Ricky Gervaise)
• Nights in Rodanth

Five Crushes?

Hells Bells this is hard. I don’t know if I ever had a crush on anyone? I must have done back in the mists of time, but so long ago I can’t remember.

If it has to be a crush on a person I certainly don’t have any now, no-one springs to mind at all, I must be getting old. I admire some people, the Dalai Lama, Tony Benn, Nelson Mandela for example and I had a soft spot for Spike Milligan. I like the aforementioned Johnny Walker. I like Barack Obama too, he is so eloquent in his speech and in his writing and I like what he has to say.

Now I suppose I have crushes on songs, singers, musicians, poets, writers, artists, things of beauty.


Five Random Things?

Things that make life worth living I guess.

For me they are

Words
Art
Nature's beauty
Truth
Peace
Last but not least,
definitely not least
Love.
And yes that makes Six.


And finally,






Sorry it was so boring and unimaginative.

Bye for now,
Cait.

Remember - Tom Rush

Dear Johnny Walker played this the other morning and had me in fits. I hope it will brighten your day.

Angels

Dear Diary,

Yes, there are kind angels here in cyberland and though they may be relative strangers they still perform miracles.

If you have noticed my header picture before you may have also noticed that I was wishing it didn't have huge ugly pillars and a horrible metal gate in front of it?

Well guess what? A miracle has been performed and this is the good angel (and wonderful artist) that did it.

Elizabeth Ryan

Here are some examples of her beautiful artworks. All views of Ireland.

Enjoy.

If one looks closely enough, one can see angels in every piece of art.
~Adeline Cullen Ray

We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.

~Luciano de Crescenzo


Bye for now,
Go mbeannai Dia duit,
Cait.

Gurrumul - Wyathul

It's like buses, you don't get one piece of music from me, you get three in a row.

I heard this track on the radio today as I stood idly stirring over my stove (I know my place!). It stopped me in my tracks. This is a live version from YouTube and I find it very moving. Brought a tear to my eye it did.

The artist has been blind since birth.

Enjoy.

The Low Anthem - To Ohio

I can't believe it is a week since my last posting.

It's Friday again and I have another song for you, one that my son asked me to listen to because he loves it. I listened and I loved it too.


To Ohio

I left Louisiana on the rail line, oo oo
I left Louisiana on the rail line, oo oo
I was trying to get to Ohio
Trying to get to Ohio

Lost my love before her time, oo oo
Lost my love before her time, oo oo
On the way to Ohio On the way to Ohio
Now every new love is just a shadow, oo
Every new love is just a shadow, oo

'Cause once you've known love you don't know how to find love, oo
Yeah once you've found love you don't know how to find new love
All the way to Ohio All the way to Ohio

Heard her voice come through the pines in Ohio
I heard her voice singing in the pines in Ohio
She sang bless your soul you crossed that line to Ohio
Bless your soul you crossed that line oo oo
All the way to Ohio
All the way to Ohio

I can see clearly now

I caught this old tune on an advert recently and it brought back memories of sunny, happy days when I was a young woman. I loved the simple song then. I still love it.

One of the comments on YouTube was a hug to my soul. That is exactly what the song does to me.

Enjoy.

I can see clearly now


I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been praying for
It’s gonna be a bright, bright Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothing but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright Sun-Shiny day.


Johnny Nash

Rainy day joys

At Castle Combe - Thomas Hunn

Dear Diary,

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.

Pablo Picasso

A rainy day means a kind of a welcome break from playing catch-up in the garden. I have taken a couple of days off work to do so and I mainly need to do battle with a part of the garden I call the elder bed. Ground elder to be exact and anyone who has this in their flower beds will understand what a ******** this plant is. I have decided to dig out the whole bed and plant some tall, strong, very-spreading, beautiful cottagey plants/shrubs that will hide, if not fully suppress this pernicious weed. Suggestions welcome. The other alternative is to remove all the plants, apply Round-Up and leave the bed for two years. I have never used weed killer so that option, though eminently sensible, will not be one I will take up. I have never been sensible in my life, more’s the pity sometimes methinks.

I had planned to visit a garden today - Katharine Swift’s garden in Shropshire at Morville Hall. I read her book The Morville Hours and loved it so because it is such a beautiful piece of writing. It is in my force-upon-you list. A friend has been to her garden and insists that I go too, it’s a longish drive but she says it is worth it. I am hoping Sunday will be a nice day so we can go then and take some photos.

I take days off from work as the mood or the weather reports take me because we don’t often do holidays. We escaped to Wales and to be honest now live in the sort of place that we used to holiday in. Ireland is out this year, the exchange rate isn’t good and the ferries are so expensive as is petrol and accommodation. Then we have our dogs and the cat, one dog (Finn) is elderly, stone deaf, his legs are getting weak and he is getting quite anxious so we are loath to leave him for long. Sometimes I think holidays are more trouble than they are worth and I am happy just sitting by the river with a book.

Talking of books, it was writing group last night, I enjoyed it very much and some good ideas for future projects were suggested, then later we adjourned to one of the local pubs for more discussion. I hadn’t been to work yesterday but was thrilled to find some books that I had requested were waiting for me. I felt like a borrower as I brought my bag of new books away with me. I requested them via the New Additions section of the library website - a great way to see what the library has recently purchased. There is something wonderful about a new book isn’t there?

I have also borrowed a DVD called Sixty-Six that was recommended by a borrower as a great ‘family-type’ movie.

Would you like to peek into my bag of books?



Gillian Clarke’s latest poetry collection. A Recipe for Water. She is a huge favourite of mine. A Welsh poet who was Wales’ National poet last year. I have read a few of these poems this morning in bed and they are so beautiful, I am not disappointed.



Notes from the Garden, edited by Ruth Petrie - A Collection of the Best Garden Writing from the Guardian.



Garden Painters A book on contemporary artists selected by Ariel Luke.



Emotional Healing for the Inner Child by Anne Cummings, another Welsh author. I am interested in the concept of the inner child, how the child in us influences our psyche and our adult behaviour.

I have just noticed that all books are non-fiction - much as I love them I am so longing for a really good novel to get lost in. Suggestions welcome!

I must post a poem, do you like this one? It's by Gillian Clarke, not from her new collection but one she wrote for a special occasion. I can hear her wonderful Welsh lilt as I read these words that are most moving and most true.


New Year, 2009

for Barack Obama


Venus in the arc of the young moon
is a boat the arms of a bay,
the sky clear to infinity
but for the trailing gossamer
of a transatlantic plane.
The old year and the old era dead,
pushed burning out to sea
bearing the bones of heroes, tyrants,
ideologues, thieves and deceivers
in a smoke of burning money.
The dream is over. Glaciers will melt.
Seas will rise to swallow golden islands.
Somewhere a volcano may whelm a city,
earth shake its skin like an old horse,
a hurricane topple a town to rubble.
Yet tonight, under the cold beauty
of the moon and Venus, something like hope begins,
as if times can turn, the world change course,
as if truth can speak, good men come to power,
and words have meaning again.
Maybe black-hearted boys in love with death
won't blow themselves and us to smithereens.
Maybe guns will fall silent, the powerful
cease slaughtering the weak, the rich
will not gorge as the poor starve.
Hope spoke the word 'Yes', the word 'we', the word 'can',
and a thousand British teenagers at Poetry Live*
rose to their feet in a single yell of joy -
black, white, Christian, Muslim, Jew,
faithful and faithless. We are all in this together.
Ie, gallwn ni.**




** Yes we can, Welsh


Gillian Clarke


Any blessings today?

Seeing friends and sharing ideas.
Creativity.
New pictures.
New books.
New poems.
Soft, gentle, Irish rain.

Bye for now,
Go mbeannai Dia duit,
Cait.